Depressed, Chat, and Pain

-this is the chat between me and my friend, Eva. I just found out she's pregnant today, I'm so fuckin' sad-

Messages:
---------
IkaFairuza: Eva, happy b'day!!
IkaFairuza: Hope u and ur baby are in good condition always.
IkaFairuza: I'm writing this in pain, 'coz I try to be happy for the news, then I remember my own situation.
IkaFairuza: I'm alone now, who's not normal here.
IkaFairuza: And why I'm telling u this?
IkaFairuza: Honestly I don't know.
IkaFairuza: :(
IkaFairuza: Well, happy b'day. :(
Eva Susanti DH: Nobody is abnormal!
IkaFairuza: I bet u can't say so, if u're in my position now.
Eva Susanti DH: I really really DO know how you feel :( I really do.
IkaFairuza: I could die slowly, by people's jugdments.
Eva Susanti DH: It all about the right time
Eva Susanti DH: Mungkin kami cuman disuruh Dia nunggu 6bulan, salah satunya krn umur bang rudi udah brp ka. :) tp itu kan cuman pemikiranku. Yang seberapalah itu.
IkaFairuza: Aku hidup di dunia yang punya prinsip punya anak= harga mati.
IkaFairuza: Gak punya anak, mending mati lu.
IkaFairuza: I'm so gonna die if this is going for more years.
Eva Susanti DH: Do not ever mind what other's judgments. Please. It'll kill both of you two relationship.
Eva Susanti DH: I really feel it. Bakal ada jarak klo gt.
Eva Susanti DH: Tp yg kubisa cuman ngomong ka. Yg ngerasain tetap kw. Dan eja. Toh?
Eva Susanti DH: But anyway ka, thank you for your wishes. I really appreciate it. I really do.
IkaFairuza: Gak pernah nyangka kalo udah nikah bakal sesakit ini..
IkaFairuza: I almost can't stand the pain.
IkaFairuza: The pain seeing u, seeing others who got easily to be pregnant.
IkaFairuza: Like the whole world will shine on them.
IkaFairuza: And I'm alone, in the dark side, being left.
Eva Susanti DH: Nobody left you. And you're not alone. You got the kindest people I've known ;)
IkaFairuza: I just wanna be normal, for God's sake!
IkaFairuza: Married, being a mom, raising kids, go to work, and then die happily.
IkaFairuza: I wanna tell God, God please, I can't stand the pain, please don't give me more pain, I can't stand anymore.
Eva Susanti DH: Be strong, girl.

-and I was left, wiping my tears away-

-Ika Fairuza-